–Originally published on FWB21 December 15, 2011–
Last night has been my lowest point so far since the news of our indefinitely delayed departure for Spain. The full realization of all the implications of staying here finally hit my emotions. The pain and sorrow flooded over me and the tears burned hot. I felt alone, hopeless, helpless, and purposeless.
Honestly, I wanted to wallow in my sorrow. I wanted to just curl up in a ball and have a pity party. But I could not–my family needs me right now. That’s when another realization hit me: I have nothing left to give. A number of people are depending on me right now, and I am emotionally and mentally drained. I have no creativity, no passion, no reserve from which to draw. I’m hurting, and the people I typically rely on to help me are hurting, too.
So where did I go? Where else, but to the Lord? I cried out to Him, not with words, but with cries of the heart. Cries of pain, sorrow, and distress. The Holy Spirit whispered back, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” After a brief struggle to believe those words, I grabbed hold of them and clung to them. No matter how dark, how difficult, how distressing my circumstances, I know that God’s Spirit is here ministering to my heart and soul, making intercession with groanings which cannot be uttered.
Those words, I will never leave you nor forsake you, got me through the night. This morning, He had something new for me (His mercies are new every morning):
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12, 13
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5
Counting my trials and sufferings all joy is extremely difficult! I am broken, but God is stretching me and molding me through this. I am not helpless: God is my help. I am not hopeless: my hope is in Christ. I am not alone: God is with me. This hurts, but our current sufferings do not compare to the glory which shall be revealed in us.